You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
