I CAN MOONWALK!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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