tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
