I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
