I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
