i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
