Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she told me i tasted like america
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
