my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Randomize
