She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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