Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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