Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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