After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
