Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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