It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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