I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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