Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
