Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
