Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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