fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
