I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize