i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
