I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
