Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
