I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
