apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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