Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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