around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
