The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
