Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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