I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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