kristin has been a bad kristin
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
