Small penises have feelings too.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
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we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
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I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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