My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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