i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
