Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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