I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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