Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
