im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
