i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
