im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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