we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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