I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
