Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you win again, gameday.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm really busy with my period
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