I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
ttyl tear gas
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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