i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
