we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
