I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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