I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
