Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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