Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
