And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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