I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we're making bets on your personal life
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
