somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
