I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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