Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
