just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
