my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
