You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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