if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
