He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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