I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
