I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
