I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
