she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
