it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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