Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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