it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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