I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
