I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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