I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
