he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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