Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
