Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
