your parents love me but you hate me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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